Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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