You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
