My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
