im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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