I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
