we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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