party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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