If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize