just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
