He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
