Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Say something about gay babies.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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