I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
