I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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