Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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