I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
