its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize