I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
