Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
