It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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