You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
