drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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