just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
