The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm at about main and main street
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
