What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
