everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
