She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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