I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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