she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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