When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
