Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
