OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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