I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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