i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize