she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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