I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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