No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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