I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
