we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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