Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
only if we run a train.
done.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry about my life...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
