Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
