Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
