who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's get the cat blown out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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