How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
