Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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