Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
