If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
