do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
