I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
