Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
