xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
