so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize