Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
