I bet he comes in French.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
