Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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