I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He better not be in your backpack
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
