took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love having hate sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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