How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize