that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
