I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize