Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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