i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
