They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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