seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
