If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
