i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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