My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
