What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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